Emotional

Never, not once, after everything happened have I EVER had an once of hate for you in my body. Even after all of your shit talking got back to me, even after you wore my bracelet to fuck with me…NEVER did I feel anything but love for you until right now.
I brushed it off when you attached yourself to Nicole because you needed someone pretty badly & who am I to deprive you of that? Even though you spent your time talking shit about her. But now, NOW, ON MY BIRTHDAY you decide to turn my BIG against me? πŸ˜‚ You’re really getting pathetic & I had my first inkling of hate rise in my heart.
It felt like the heat of a thousand suns coursing through my vines into my heart.
1 week until bible study & there I’m going to try & conquer these hateful feelings toward you. Until then I will pray every night because holding onto this will only hurt me.
I have a REALLY hard time letting people go, but this is the first step. I felt it.

One of my sister’s is going through a break up & I hurt for her. She’s come to the realization that he’s not what she needs anymore & she is strong enough to stop wasting time. I commend her because can look outside of herself and see that the relationship is over even though she still loves him!
She was talking about how she is almost disgusted when he touches her in a romantic way & I remember that feeling all too well from my last long term “relationship”, along with the emptiness of trying to force a relationship. 
She’s younger than I am & her strength amazes me. I wish I was emotionally strong enough to do what she’s done. 
I pray that she will come out of this happy & able to find herself like I did. Maybe even find faith, if the Mr&Mrs G can help me, they can help her. That is if she’s willing ❀

On an unrelated note, I died when I saw this picture πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

One of my sister’s is going through a break up & I hurt for her. She’s come to the realization that he’s not what she needs anymore & she is strong enough to stop wasting time. I commend her because can look outside of herself and see that the relationship is over even though she still loves him!
She was talking about how she is almost disgusted when he touches her in a romantic way & I remember that feeling all too well from my last long term “relationship”, along with the emptiness of trying to force a relationship.
She’s younger than I am & her strength amazes me. I wish I was emotionally strong enough to do what she’s done.
I pray that she will come out of this happy & able to find herself like I did. Maybe even find faith, if the Mr&Mrs G can help me, they can help her. That is if she’s willing ❀

On an unrelated note, I died when I saw this picture πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

One of my parents really good friends was ironically diagnosed with ALS 2months ago and he passed away this week. This disease is no joke & it’s heartbreaking & absolutely terrifying what it does to your body. Not to mention the fact most people haven’t even heard of the disease before this challenge. People bitch but this is a really great thing.

Also I’d like to add if you haven’t seen The Foo Fighters Ice Bucket Challenge you haven’t lived. It wins so many times over.

Anxiety

The anxiety lately has been so real. It’s heavy on my heart and I just need it to go away, I can’t handle this anymore. I don’t deserve this & Sam certainly doesn’t deserve this. God, give me the strength to get over this without answers. I need help finding the power to forgive without an apology.